Connect with us

Lifestyle

“Help Me, I Need My Wife Back” – 63-year old Willie takes marital anguishes to Nellie’s ‘Emotional Court’

Published

on

Life is filled with twists and turns. One day it is so perfect and the next, it is all gloomy. But these valleys, cliffs and mountains make life exciting. For some, what I call ‘excitement’ is emotional stress.

Shortly after Anne’s ‘MUTUAL POLYGAMY’ story was published, (read Anne’s Story) a 63-year old Willie called us requesting assistance to get his wife back. Willie loves and dotes at his wife. He should, because Constance, a paradigm of beauty and brains, is 47 years old – 16 years younger than her husband. For the purpose of this expose, I want to first submit Willie’s perspective in this emotional tango.

 

Willie, a widower, met ‘delectable’ Constance who was a Product Marketing Professional. Willie is cut out of the old stock of money and style. Willie is from a ‘Wealthy’ family – wealthy from every perspective and consideration. Left with four (4) children by his first love, Monique, who died after ‘a brief illness’, Willie was excited when Constance accepted to marry him.

Constance, a First Class graduate of Economics ‘worships’ as well as ‘fears’ her husband. She is not allowed to contradict him, otherwise, face financial sanctions or have some privileges denied. They have been married for about seven (7) years and have a five-year-old son, Brian who Willie loves very much. Willie’s other children from Monique are adults and live on their own. His daughter Yvonne (35) never supported her father’s choice, as she wanted her father to either marry a widow or a divorcee with children. Yvonne believes Constance married her father for his money and could not be trusted.

According to Willie, “I know she is having an affair with a younger man. I know because she no longer spends time at home with us (myself and Brian). She comes home late from work daily. When I was very sick and hospitalized, she refused to visit me at the hospital, but travelled to another state for some ‘urgent and critical official’ work. She does not come into our bedroom anymore, but complains she needs to stay up late to work…I am not a small boy, I know something is wrong. I love my wife, and I need help to get her back”.

Willie was really moist speaking with us. To show his desire to get to the bottom of this crisis of confidence and resolve issues with his wife, he gave us a number we could reach Constance on…. And we did speak with her.

Constance confessed she has emotional interests outside her matrimonial home due to “emotional abuse”. According to her, Willie always makes reference to “how much he bought the car; how much he bought my hair; how much my allowances are costing him and why I should be glad he married me in spite of pressures from his children.”

“My husband makes veiled references to my background. Yes, I come from a very humble background. Call us poor. Yes, I wanted my family to benefit from the relationship. And, Willie has been good to my family. However, constantly reminding me of these things is harassing me emotionally… I am not happy about the situation. I am not thinking divorce because my son is attached to my husband. I am an emotional wreck right now and really confused.

“I care deeply about Willie, but I am not sure I love him in the real sense of the word LOVE. For me love died with my first love, Victor, who left me for another woman. I just wanted to have a companion who was older than me and could pamper me like my late father. Willie fitted the bill, but his daily disrespect and abuse is driving me mad. I am not an illiterate…his daughter is also not helping in this regard. I had to look for ‘sanity’ elsewhere’ – my work.”

Constance decided to focus on her career and was assigned a Mentor/Coach at her office – as part of Personnel Development program by the Human Resources Department. Her Mentor/Coach, Michael (52) is divorced and lives with his three children. Michael has been a source of encouragement to Constance. Between them, personal confidences have been shared – and something ‘BIG’ is growing gradually…

Constance spoke with candor about her ‘involvement’ with Michael, but believes that she was ‘driven into another man’s arms by her husband.

In her own words: “There is no denying the fact that I find Michael attractive and fun to be with. He respects me and does not judge me. I don’t walk or stand on edge when I am with him. He is very supportive professionally and my productivity at work has really improved. He gives me a sense of emotional stability and professional confidence…. Do I love him? I don’t know…but he is definitely not a ‘fling’. I am looking at a deep friendship. One thing I am sure about is, I don’t want to stay with a man who sees me as an ACQUISITION. I thought he could change, but he gets worse each day…”

Could lack of sex be the issue? Constance says “Not really…but it is contributory. When you marry, it is for “better” or “worse”. If lack of sex is the ‘worse’ part of your marriage vows due to his health challenge, there are other ways to make up…. Sex is not everything”. However, Willie believes that his inability to make love to his wife regularly, and gradual loss of libido is a major factor…

Critical Questions: How can we help Willie and Constance regain an emotional balance? Is Michael playing a negative role in this Marriage?

Two things are clear: Willie wants his Wife back; but Constance wants her Dignity back!!!

———————————————————-

Dear Constance,

Sessions with you were emotion-laden. We appreciate your openness and honesty as you opened up on the “emotional entrapment called marriage”. We agree you have had a ‘frightful’ marriage, but it was a relationship you entered willingly.

You submitted that you did NOT MARRY FOR LOVE. That is truly sad for a well-educated young woman of 40 (when you married Willie). An African proverb says: “he who gathers ant-infested firewood should be ready for the dance’. You further admitted that you married for the money in order to help your family. These reasons led to how you were perceived by Willie and her children. You sacrificed love on the altar of self-aggrandizement and ‘family pressure’.

These reasons are enough reasons for Willie’s family members to be apprehensive of your ‘interest in poor Willie who had recently lost his beloved Monique.

Understandably, Yvonne, your stepdaughter is sensitive about the situation. Daughters have the natural tendency to be over protective of their parents – especially, their father. Thus, you need to understand Yvonne and make an effort reassure her that you truly love and care for her father (if you have eventually grown to love Willie) – to the best of you ability. This is not to suggest that you have to grovel and beg her to be on your side. Always steer the path of PEACE as there is never a bad peace.

Another issue is Communication. Despite your faulty entry into marriage with Willie, it is expected that communication channels be open. No desperate desire to be married to a wealthy man should make a wife unable to discuss issues with her husband.

Without sentiments, I hold you responsible for the accepting years of emotional abuse, emotional battery and, sometimes, physical abuse you suffered in your marriage. Your quest for ‘the elegant lifestyle of the wealthy and famous’ kept you encapsulated. Rather than make effort to free yourself via counseling, you found an ‘escape in work and Michael…” You return daily to a “mansion of agony” to traumatize Willie with jealousy. You are using Michael to satisfy your sexual needs; this is not fair to Michael who is ignorant of the situation, as you do not love him.

You cannot solve a problem by creating another. Thus, you need to:

  • Introspect and tell yourself the hard truth about your situation;
  • A marriage without love is COHABITATION. If that is what you want, accept all the abuses meted out to you because everything has a price;
  • Define your relationship with Michael to save him from your emotional tango. If you love Michael and wish to continue your undefined relationship, please be kind enough to progress dissolution of your union with Willie

When you take the right steps towards integrity, you will naturally regain your DIGNITY.

Whatever your choice, here is wishing you the best.

Yours Emotionally, Nellie Onwuchekwa

———————————————————-

Dear Willie,

Thank you for your patience and understanding throughout the ‘intrusive’ discourse on a matter so sensitive. We only wanted to get facts of the case in order to provide feedback without sentiments.

There is no doubt that you ‘love’ your wife ‘very much’ – and you want your wife back. It is, however, unfortunate that you seem to speak about your wife like a lost piece of furniture. During the sessions, you talked about “how much it cost me to marry her”, “how I have attended to all here needs, without sparing costs’, I give her anything she asks for, no matter how much it costs’, “how I have loved and taken care of her family”, etc. Little is however said to demonstrate emotional connection, commitment and attention to ensuring emotional stability of your marriage.

You admitted that Constance is ‘expected to fear’ you as a husband. You also expect her to align with you on EVERY ISSUE – irrespective of her opinion or perspective. Again, and disappointingly, three (3) years ago, you refused Constance (who has a MBA from a reputable University), not be involved in the running of your business when she offered her services – to give you the reassurance of her faithfulness. This led to her seeking paid employment elsewhere. Despite the aforementioned, you want her to be open about her official work-life.

It is important that you remember that marriage is a partnership between two people that love themselves and have committed to live together in love, respect and harmony for the rest of their God-given lives. Regardless of your claim of love for Constance, you did not show an ounce of respect for her. You repeatedly judged Constance using your late wife’s standard… “Monique would never do that” reverberated throughout the sessions with you. You cannot slaughter Constance on the altar of Monique. This is totally unacceptable and puts your wife constantly under pressure

Husbands are expected to support and encourage their wives to achieve their God-given potential. You see in Constance, your wife, a Competitor – instead of a HELP-MEET. Also, your daughter, Yvonne has a degree of influence on you. It is pertinent to point out that Constance is YOUR WIFE. Monique, no matter the virtues, is dead.

Action Steps:

  • Invite your wife and have a discussion (heart to heart); apologize in areas you know you are wrong. Accepting your mistakes is NOT as sign of weakness, rather, a show of strength.
  • Ask your wife honestly if your marriage has future – and show willingness to repair broken bridges/ridges. Listen to Constance with an OPEN HEART & MIND
  • Have a session with your daughter, Yvonne. She needs to understand you need Constance. Encourage her to focus on her marriage, while you work things out with Constance.
  • Work on the ‘challenges’ in your sexual relationship with your wife. There are ways to satisfy you both sexually – feel free to ask.
  • Upon reconciliation with Constance (God Willing), create a harmonious environment in your home and ensure your children respect YOUR WIFE!!!

NOTE: You are well aware of the age gap between you and your wife. Age, they say, is a number. However, when there are health challenges, you require love, attention, respect and understanding from your spouse to carry on. Communication is key. Do not stop communicating.

Dear Willie, separate FAMILY from your marriage. Pursue peace and tread the path of reconciliation. At 63, you need emotional stability, not crisis. You want your wife back – however, she wants her DIGNITY back!!!

All the best …and stay blessed.

Yours Emotionally,

Nellie Onwuchekwa

——————————————————-

Send your QUESTIONS and CONCERNS to NELLIE directly, click >>>

Texas Guardian News
Continue Reading
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Lifestyle

Obi Cubana Speaks About His Ordeals With Anti-Drug Agency, NDLEA

Published

on

Entrepreneur and socialite, Obi Iyiegbu, popularly known as Obi Cubana, was said to have recently spent some time in the office of the National Drug Law Enforcement Agency for questioning over his alleged ties to some drug traffickers.

In an interview with media personality, Ifedayo Olarinde, aka Daddy Freeze, Obi stated that though he trusted the NDLEA to do a good job, he ‘felt low’ being linked with trafficking in hard drugs. Recall that prior to his encounter with the NDLEA, he had been detained by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission for alleged money laundering.

Speaking about his ordeal with the anti-drug agency, Obi said, “While growing in life, people must face some challenges, and I am facing mine at the moment. I was in detention for four days and three nights. I did not feel bad because I knew the agency would do a thorough job and if I was cleared, I would be allowed to go because it was not a witch hunt. However, linking me to a drug issue made me feel low. It is repulsive because it is something I had made a covenant to never support, invest in or be part of. Getting the invitation from the NDLEA got to me because it is something I have always fought against. It destroys generations, and my children could also become victims. I was told someone paid money into my account, and I believe the agency, which I feel is a responsible one, would make their findings known to the public once they are done with their investigation.”

Contrary to what some people think, the Cubana Group honcho stated that he had no plans to get involved in politics. The Anambra State-born socialite said, “I have zero interest in politics. I am not interested in becoming a governor, whether now or in the future. I am the Governor of Cubana Empire, and that is enough for me. I have just one vote. Interestingly, my wife and I do not even discuss whom to support in elections because I feel it should be a personal decision.”

The nightclub proprietor also stated that he would like to meet the young hawker who recently went viral for giving money to people in a prison van while selling water in traffic. He said, “I want to meet the boy, and I want him to go to school in good condition. I would sponsor him through the university. If he wants to do study for a Master’s degree outside the country, I will make sure he is comfortable while going to school because his act of giving touched me. I would do whatever he wants for him, and by God’s grace, when he is done with school, he would get a top-level position at any of my organizations. However, if he finds a ‘higher calling’, he is free to do as he pleases. I just want him to know he now has a mentor who would guide him through this tough world.”

Texas Guardian News
Continue Reading

Lifestyle

Looking for Money Is Not Easy, Tiwa Savage Says, Questions Why Her Father Is Not Like Dangote

Published

on

Nigerian singer, Tiwa Savage, has stated that looking for money wasn’t easy, as she questioned why her father wasn’t the richest man in Africa, Aliko Dangote.

The mother-of-one took to her Snapchat story on Thursday, where she stated that she had a meeting to attend.

She wrote, “I have one more meeting. It’s not easy looking for money. God help me. But why my papa no be Dangote or something like that? (May his soul rest in peace though).”

The sonorous singer had announced the death of her father on the 19th of July, 2021.

In a star-studded elaborate ceremony on September 3, 2021, Tiwa Savage buried her father in Lagos, shortly after the release of her Extended Play project ‘Water and Garri’.

The singer had earlier revealed that the death of her father was the reason she postponed her music tour which was scheduled for 2021.

She had said, “I was originally supposed to go on tour this year but everything was brought back. As some of you guys know, I lost my father. So I had to, understandably, push my tour.”

The Koroba crooner, however, had promised fans that her music tour would hold in 2022.

 

 

Texas Guardian News
Continue Reading

Africa

Pope shakes up Vatican development office, accepts African cardinal’s resignation

Published

on

VATICAN CITY (Reuters) – Pope Francis has accepted the resignation of a prominent African cardinal who was a key adviser on climate change and social justice as part of a rare shake up of an entire Vatican office.

The Vatican said on Thursday that Cardinal Peter Turkson, was leaving the large department, officially known as the Dicastery for Integral Human Development. All other superiors also had offered their resignations.

The department was formed in 2016 to merge four offices that dealt with issues such as peace, justice, migration, and charities. It was plagued by management problems and turf wars from the start, Vatican sources said.

The Vatican has not commented on the timing of Turkson’s departure or the claims of dysfunction in his department.

Turkson, seen by some as a candidate to become the first African pope in about 1,500 years, offered his resignation again last week, following an automatic procedural offer at the end of his term in August. One source said he had told some staff he was “fed up”.

Turkson, 73, from Ghana, represented the Vatican at high-profile international venues such as the World Economic Forum at Davos.

His departure leaves the Vatican with no African heading a major department, following the retirement of Cardinal Robert Sarah of Guinea earlier this year.

A senior Vatican source said the pope was expected to give Turkson another top Vatican job.

The department underwent an external review headed by Cardinal Blase Cupich of Chicago at the pope’s request earlier this year.

The shake-up follows two high-level departures from the department over the summer, one because of retirement and another sudden and unexplained.

Turkson will be eligible until he turns 80 to enter a conclave of cardinals to elect the next pope after Francis dies or retires, according to Church rules.

The Catholic Church had several popes of north African origin early in its history, the last in the 5th century.

The Vatican said the department would be run on an interim basis by Cardinal Michael Czerny, an immigration specialist, and Sister Alessandra Smerilli, an economist.

Both were already members of the department.

Texas Guardian News
Continue Reading

Trending